The Secret Rulebook of Puppyhood
... aka Puppy Tactics

by Jane Fink
Greyfaire Kennel

Those of you who are anticipating adding a new addition to the household may find the following excerpts from the "secret rulebook of puppydom" handy. Our intrepid reporter, Miss Jane, managed to sneak a look at this "secret" book that was compiled by many Westie puppies over the years and was able to "aquire" the following information.

Puppy Tactics

Photo by M. Duffy

  Refuse to walk when person attaches a leash to your collar, in fact do not accept the collar without a fight ... twirl and spin as though you are having a seizure. If that doesn't work and the person continues to attach the leash, feign paralysis, we refer to this in puppydom as Leash Paralysis. If they insist on walking, twirl and spin some more, grab the lead with paws or teeth (or both), scream and collapse to the floor. Once the person is convinced the leash caused this horrible reaction they will immediately remove it, cry and apologize for hurting you and give you some nice yummy treats. Play this one for all it is worth!
  Pee only on expensive rugs and carpets, preferrably in a formal room of the
house. If caught, give a very sad, confused look so the people blame themselves. If two or more people are in the household they will start yelling at each other which gives you time to sneak away and poop on the bathmat.
  If caught pooping on the bathmat, don't finish ... inevitably, the person will pick you up and try to carry you outside, which is extremely rude to disturb such a private functon, so teach them a lesson and drop poop bombs as they are dashing to the door.
  Drink lots of water and wait until you have everyone's attention then spew some out onto the carpet. Oddly enough, you won't get in trouble for things coming out THAT end. This is a fun game to play on a boring afternoon, just don't do it too often or you'll end up in the vet's office. Sunday afternoons are a good time for this game.
  When you hear the word COME it means RUN FAST ... away from the person. This is a very exciting game for the people because they love to play chase. Run fast and far but look back occasionally to see your person's face turn different colors and take on strange and mean shapes. Sometimes the person will fall to the ground and feign paralysis (see first rule) but don't fall for it, they learned it from you!


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